The King is coming to Dubai, but it's time for me to hang up the old boots.

Provided by 7DAYS.ae

I got a call from the King this week, which was very pleasant, if a little unexpected. With someone of that magnitude, even down the phone, you hope when you look round the best Ikea tea mugs are out and not the two dirham bargain basement ones, and that you're serving chocolate digestives rather than the custard creams and jammy dodgers.

To my eternal regret, I lifted my head off the sofa, and looked at the table to find half-eaten plates of fish fingers and chips. To make matters worse, one four-year-old hand had inadvertently knocked over a bottle of Ketchup, which was dripping gently onto the floor, oozing red sauce in amongst the tile cracks.

Not only that, but my eight-month-old daughter was perched daintily on my knee, slowly gumming a rusk to death, and gurgling merrily.A On the stroke of my 'Hello, Rob Mccaffrey speaking', she screamed. I'd knocked the TV control onto the floor, changing her beloved Business channel to the National Geographic. (That's not strictly true as she really just likes chewing it and playing with the buttons like the rest of us).

Anyway, on the other end of the line was a Scottish accent so strong it made Derek Whyte sound like Nigella Lawson. "Aarrgggbraagagghvaaarrraaarrrochhhh". I thought it was a fault on the line, but the three words tagged on the end gave me my clue.

"It's Kenny Dalglish".

As I said, the King was indeed on the line! To any football fan of a certain age, Kenny Dalglish is the King.A To everyone, he's known simply as King Kenny. "Rob, I'm coming to Dubai".A That was all it took. The great man is on his way to the Emirates. Now, I have to say I'm thrilled, excited, but also a little nervous, because the King is the only man I've interviewed to make me break out into cold sweat before the camera has rolled. In his company I revert to a mumbling, shambolic wreck, which he has noted to others on a number of occasions.

One time I was hammering Ronnie Whelan and Ian Rush within an inch of their lives after nine holes of golf, when the King appeared fromA nowhere and joined us on the tenth.A Suddenly, it was me and the King versus The Ledge and the Vich. (Ronnie's known as the Vich, don't ask me why. You don't need help with Ledge do you? OK, it's Rushy.)

I fell apart and they caned me. "Kenny. D'ya know you're his big hero? He'll fall to bits now, just watch! "Don't go all shy just 'cos you're playing with your hero!" they said.A To make matters worse, they both knew about a code I always used when on a first date with a girl. A pal would ring up, and if the date was going well, I'd say: "We're interviewing Kenny Dalglish tomorrow."

If the date was absolutely brilliant, I'd increase the number ofA 'Kenny Dalglishs. Anything between three Kennys and five meant red hot!A If I was having a shocker, I'd say the name of Kenny's then assistant- manager at Blackburn, Ray Harford.

Needless to say, this story was trotted out as I poured nervously over aA swinging left to right five-footer. I felt like crying and walking off! Anyway, for the record, King Kenny is on his way to a Showtime studio near you next season. Watch this red carpet sorry, I meant space!

A NEW BREED OF SWEEPER

I see Blackburn and England rising star David Bentley says he's addicted to vacuuming.A Maybe he can hoover our red carpet for Kenny! Apparently he spends hours going over the house. Wish he'd come round to ours. Think he might have to take a bit of a pay cut though.

PUBLIC DISGRACE

Finally, after my rant last week about parents not behaving properly at a kids' football tournament, I must issue a public apology following my miserable performance in the Showtime v Royal Merdien 11-a-side down at Jebel Ali last week.A I ended up playing for the Meridien, and whingeing, moaning, arguing and kicking my erstwhile colleagues.

I even ended up whingeing and moaning at the Meridien lads, and finished off whingeing, moaning, and haranguing referee Dave Harvey, who's not only a good referee, but a thoroughly decent bloke too. Instant red card would have been too lenient a sentence for a performance more Birkenhead Sunday League than Bur Dubai. Apologies all.

I was a lonely, miserable, yes embarrassed figure when I went home to be greeted by a look from my wife that said 'for goodness sake, not again. These people are your friends and colleagues. When will you ever grow up and play nicely?' (Or much stronger words to that effect!). Lying in bed I was in agony having pinged some rib muscles going for a header. Have you ever had that? It's excruciatingly painful, when you can't move, laugh, or worst of all cough!

My left knee had swollen to the size of Neptune. I was left with a depressing feeling that says, 'stop clinging on. Give up. You are completely past it'.

See you next week.

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